Big Day For Midnight

So our youngest kitten, Midnight, is just over 5mths & heading to get fixed this morning. Poor little guy has no clue.

(Midnight was a gift left by LM just before her passing-LM was our rescue from last year. The scar tissue left from whatever injuries she had when we found her finally was just too much. She never was even able to meow.)

The plan was to get Midnight fixed & then Michael was supposed to take him. BUT now that Michael joined the army, well, I guess Midnight is staying here… at least for now. And being a BOY cat means getting him fixed ASAP before he starts spraying.

I had tried not getting attached as I didn’t plan on keeping him. But when it was time for them to take him, it was HARD. The poor baby had no idea what was about to happen. Hopefully he will just be happy to see me tomorrow & not be too angry. πŸ˜‰  On the positive side, the guy only charged me $20. Im not sure why or if I pay the rest tomorrow or what. But hey, I wasn’t about to argue.

EVERY black cat there was named Midnight. I guess I could have been a little more creative with his name lol.

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100% screwed.

On our way home from thr dr & to the grocery store, my van locked up&my caution lights died in the middle of traffic in a rain storm.

Long story short-van dead. mechanic cant even look at it til late tomorrow.
i have NO money at all even if its fixable.
no way to work, grocery-anywhere.
no work=no potential $$.
no help.
Im 100% SCREWED!!

Happy 34th bday to me…

I do not understand why the hardwr I try in life, the worse things get!

WHY

Why do so many people have nothing better to than ATTACK those trying???!!!

I hear reasons like “well they had a bad childhood”..etc… but this makes NO SENSE. I didnt turn out that way!

My blog only shows a small glimpse of my “childhood” as the rest of it is unthinkably worse, it is  not suitable to post.

Yet here I am. Working myself to death to NOT end up like the steriotypes.

It is really hard to have no real life support. Online posts are nice, but it still comes down to the fact I have no one to turn to in our biggest times of need, those times are also when I recieve the most amount of hate mail!!

Strangers assume I MUST be on some kind of welfare & MUST be commiting some kind of fraud.
I’M NOT. WHY would I risk everything for a lie??!!
They take time to stop and email me the most hateful things you can think of.
For the record, I AM educated.
And not all special needs are obvious from birth, thus I did not know my children would end up with special needs until later.
Doctors assured us none of it was hereditary and the chances of it ever happening again were no higher than any other healthy parent.
I was obedient to my then husband, each time he wanted each child. (Be warned, quiverful parents!) They were planned.
I NEVER expected to wake up on my son’s birthday and have our world shattered & end up alone like I am today.

I say I have ‘no family’ because my ‘family’ threw me away and never wanted me. I got tired of having to explain myself to people when they ask “why doesnt your family help you???” “What did YOU do that makes them not want to help you???”

I was **9** when my sister, who was forced to raise me til then, left for college. It was her right-she was 18. & she should have NEVER been forced to raise me. From then on, I was left to raise myself–years of said “family” calling me names & constantly putting me down. All I ever wanted was someone, anyone, to love me. To see some kind of good in me.
It landed me in some bad circumstances. Each time, I tried even HARDER to not be all those things my own ‘family’ said I was. Each day, I worked harder at being a perfectionist including doing everything possible that people wanted from me. (To this day, I have a SPOTLESS record-not even a speeding ticket.)

Nothing has ever been enough. And I have learned no matter how much I do for others, rarely will anyone be there in return.

So, I have worked long and hard to build “the american dream” by myself, for my children. To give my kids what I never had. I have worked so hard, that now I am strapped to a heart monitor& need heart surgery.
I wonder to myself if maybe after 34 years of heart break after heart break, my heart is finally giving up. If maybe I did finally work myself too hard. My chest hurts so bad & this stupid machine keeps setting off some kind of alarms.
But, what am I doing? Cleaning. During the constant snow storm of children. As any mom knows, you clean one area, move to the next, & your previous spot instantly is a mess again.
3 boys, 5 cats, 2 dogs, & a rabbit-all housed on the 2nd floor- in competition with me trying to keep everything clean& organized alone. All 11 needing food, bathes, & clean up daily.  Whatever you do, DONT ask me when I have free time. (I even write these posts 1-handed while working on all of the above + 2 businesses worth of work.)

So, I just don’t get it. I work so hard to be self sufficient. I go out of my way for others. I am NOT some ‘scammer’ looking for free $$. WHY do so many have nothing better to do than ATTACK those trying in life, & yet freely give away $$ etc to the REAL scammers??!!

Some day, I will make it far enough to BE the help those like me need but don’t have…

Anyway, I gotta put myself & 3 kids together & head to yet another Dr appt, etc.
Off I go!

The Family

Christopher (13) got his 1st smart phone. And he has a girl friend. Between the 2, I probably won’t have eye contact from him again til age 18. πŸ˜‰

Thomas (10) got up and dressed BY HIMSELF….E A R L Y today. :-0
Not only that, but he washed, put deoderant on, & his clothes even match…. sure, we changed his meds a week ago, but the true reason: Thomas is β™‘in loveβ™‘… πŸ˜‰
He met a little girl in speech therapy. So, for as long as this lasts, I will take it!

Andrew (8) is having odd mood swings lately. Nothing abnormal really, just suddenly toeing the line in the behavior department.

Michael(18) comes by to visit sometimes and it seems now that he is all grown up that he may be starting to realize I wasn’t as “terrible” as he thought during his teen years. He even said–gasp– he loves me on Mothers Day. πŸ˜‰

Me(33): I am starting to feel better. I have more heart tests this week. I am just pushing myself to take the next step, one after another, one at a time in the right direction, & not think about the whole big picture at once. I know I can make this all work if I just follow the path.

The animals are all good except the kittens’.  I have to go get them medicine today. 

Anyway that is our update. I of course need to get back to work. Thank you for stopping by!

Overflowing.

Overflowing… Literally. lol… ugh.

There are several URGENT catastrophes happening all at once.

Everything seems about even on the major priority list. This sucks. This is one heck of a ‘storm’ but sooner or later we will be due for a ‘rainbow’ soon…

NO ONE is going to keep me from reaching my goals. I may have to take detours- like Christopher needing yet another surgery, & busted pipes, & a crazy stalker attacking my facebook shop page, but we WILL make it.  I may not know how or when but I am too determined to allow set backs or crazy people ruin our dreams.

And of course it could always be worse. So. There is nothing more to do than keep wading through the mud of this storm, no matter how deep.

Just another day…

I got the kids all off to school, fed the 7 animals, & then worked on some online orders.

Then I took a ‘break’ to do a bunch of laundry, put plastic & a blanket over the laundry room window, & curtains over the laundry room doorways- to hopefully hold in some heat in this negative degree cold.

It’s up to 12 degrees not counting wind chill here.  In order to sew, I’m in there with my heavy ski coat on. (I keep the heat off in as many rooms the kids aren’t in as possible to save $$.)  I’m definitely ready for spring & really need sunshine.

I know another breakthrough is due soon!!

I really need to vacuum my room & sweep & mop the laundry room… & everything else. And of course finish orders. Ugh. So much needs done-all a priority. I have new stock in my van that I need to bring in to my studio & sort, hang, & tag it all. & I also have a friend holding kitchen cabinets& blankets for me that I need to pick up ASAP.  I need more of me.

Hopefully it won’t be too much longer til our next break. I know it’s coming…

For now, it’s back to work!

FREEZING!!!

The RF temp is -21 here– NOT NORMAL here & hasnt been this cold in decades…
Giant house= huddled up in 1 room trying to stay warm. 8 heaters running non-stop in places needed for survival: 2 in kitchen for dogs& pipes, 2 in my bedroom for the boys & myself and all 4 cats & rabbit…. 1 in basement to keep our pipes thawed, & 1 in my studio(not doing much but staying above freezing), 1 in laundry room, & 1 in bathroom(its like a sauna in there)…all other rooms are closed up.

I have pvc plastic, curtains, & sheets over the windows. After talking to others, we are not alone- many others are having similiar problems. And Im happy to report, I did get our pipes thawed, they did not burst, & they have not refroze since adding the basement heater.

I am VERY nervous about our next utility bill but nothing can really be done about it. Worst case, I’ll set up a payment plan or something- Im sure I won’t be in the minority.

GOOD NEWS: Because my 1st month went so well, we will now be open FRIDAYS too!! Fri-Sat-Sun, 9a-5p. πŸ™‚