100% screwed.

On our way home from thr dr & to the grocery store, my van locked up&my caution lights died in the middle of traffic in a rain storm.

Long story short-van dead. mechanic cant even look at it til late tomorrow.
i have NO money at all even if its fixable.
no way to work, grocery-anywhere.
no work=no potential $$.
no help.
Im 100% SCREWED!!

Happy 34th bday to me…

I do not understand why the hardwr I try in life, the worse things get!

Sometimes Plans Change…

Well, yesterday I had my own agenda planned as usual. But an unexpected crisis (not ours) resulted in me playing the role of volunteer advocate- instead sitting in the ER, babysitting, holed up at Childrens Services, making what felt like a million phone calls. Until we finally found success that evening. Another family in crisis now safe. (Praying for their strength to stay that way.)

It fell on a day that actually didnt have any appts.

A day when boys boys were going with their dad after school- no afternoon school bus time.

A day when I was upset & pouting to God for my own trouble over the weekend.

Suddenly I was thrust into someone else’s unexpected crisis- some calling me stupid because “those women always just go back.” As I stood on that street corner, I had a decision to make. To I turn my back like everyone else, or do I step in and BE the person I never had just a few short years ago. The one who tried to get help for years, but was treated with that same  negative attitude.

So. Yesterday my plans were changed. A day’s worth of work was missed. But this family is alive and safe- with people who can help further. And God answered my prayer….. Look how far we have come in these past few years! I was looking at myself. That was me. Scared, helpess. So full of guilt and shame that wasnt mine to carry. Convinced it really was all my fault- that somehow I deserved it. Convinced I could never survive as a single mother of 4. No one cared. Just a few short years ago.

Yet here I am. Today’s problems are NOTHING like what I have already overcome. Thank you God, for reminding me wherr I was, & how far I have come…

Continuing On…

Still waiting for the consignment booth call. Still prepping away.

Had a meeting earlier and have another for my Thomas this afternoon at school.

And yet another meeting here tomorrow.

It’s been 6mths since I bought this house. I truly feel lead here and that our stress will start loosening its grip very soon.
Next year is MY YEAR. Good things will start to arrive.  I have absolutely no idea what this will all look like. I’m just walking in blind faith. As a SUPER PLANNER this is difficult for me. Doubt has tried to creep in & take over, but I refuse to let it cloud my path any longer.

I have fought to make it this far and I have God given gifts I haven’t used yet. I’m trying to patient & see how that is to play out…

Back to School…

Well, School has begun, and the kids are all settling in well so far. They all seem happy. 🙂

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After getting them all off on their 1st day, I ran to a meeting,  then back to take Michael over to the college for some last minute paperwork. Also, got the 3rd floor cleaned the rest of the way & worked in the studio.

Im supposed to have the drywall cut for some young guys to take up for the 3rd floor ceiling. Didnt get it done yet. :-/

I still got 5hrs of volunteering in alone today…it wasn’t the same. & prices on a hot water heater.
Not too much longer& we should have hot water!

The farmer markets are proving to too much for little to no pay out.  I just dont have enough time to be everywhere & get everything done. I wanted to have my 1st open house by LAST saturday.  &  I of course still have the new website to finish building…. & winter is coming soon…

SHOP UPDATES :-)

Hello! 🙂

First, thank you for stopping by.

So, the boys are all back, school starts tomorrow,  & then its full force boutique work!

Tomorrow will still be a lot of running around for meetings,  appts, etc, & we’ll still have our Dr in therapy appointments, but there will be more hours mid-day to work straight through!

This week includes more hanging and tagging, but also the start of LOTS of photo taking and website listing (over 1,000 items). It’s going to be a huge endeavor! But, once the bulk is done, life will get easier. Online access = worldwide customers.

I am also accepting STOP N SHOP Appts!! Pick the time that works best for you, and come in person for a calm, casual shopping break. Looking for a particular
item or size? No problem!  Just let me know and I will have it ready and waiting for you. 🙂

We have clothing in all sizes from preemie through womens 6x! And maternity!  And of course all our regular product lines, toys, books, etc!  INCLUDING PETS. 🙂

Email: Bumblebeebottomsboutique@gmail.com

Call or Text: 513/432-1213

Or message us on our shop Facebook page to schedule. 🙂

The Path…

What’s worse, having fake people in your life, or having no one?

What’s the point of pretending to be someone you’re really not?

At the end of the day, who is more important, the poor man who gave his time to others, or the wealthy man who gave his time to building his image? Is either one really any better than the other? By who’s standards? 

Is my journey tough? Was it avoidable?  & if so, would any other road have made me happy? I could have obtained my original goals- could be a CEO or CFO by now- would I be working any less? Would the company of fake friends be anywhere near as valuable as the sound my children’s laughter? Of applying my passion everyday at my job or just dealing with a high pay career for the money?

So, I ask, which path leads to TRUE, real success??? To true happiness??? Are you sure you are on it?

AAAAAAAAAA! OK!

Ok. I was married for over a decade. It was pure HELL.  Torture. I was cut off from my family,  friends, life.  I failed to protect my children. Nothing will ever remove that guilt. Terrible things happened to us. & I had gotten so sick that I was on deaths door.  Doctors didn’t even know if I would live. I knew what happened to me( well not everything at the time). It was horrible. & I accepted the blame put on me for what happened to my kids. It was “all my fault.”  ” If I would have just….. then my son wouldn’t have been hurt.”
& when I sought help, the system failed me.

3 1/2 yrs out,  I have regained my health( actually occurred pretty quickly in the first 6 months.)  I can generally hold it together. I keep myself busy and focused on helping my kids get better. That is until a Dr asks for details about previous abuse…. or when I go for tests, and I’m reminded that theres still permanent damage done to my body- that there’s nothing I can do about it. Damage to my kids- how did I fail so badly to protect them?!  I tried so hard to do everything I was supposed to do as a Christian housewife and mother.  That list of demands continued to grow
But I followed every rule. Messing up meant my kids suffered.  I was walked on, was never a priority, but convinced if I just tried harder things would go better and after all it was all my fault for some reason or another.

3 1/2yrs ago, while  coming out of a very abusive situation, with no support at all, I was pushed into signing paperwork that meant NO Spousal support even though I was eligible, 1/3 The child support that I should have received, And order that says that I am NOT allowed to leave my children for more than 4 hours at any given time for any reason. ( Other than for his visits and school). I was told if I didn’t I would never see my children again. There is no way I was taking that gamble. My children are my entire life…

How did the judge even sign that??!! Well how did the judge not realize that this was an act of control?! That, & The case was marked “confidential”. That means I cannot apply for things like welfare or social security disability- Even if I wanted to.

So, I cannot leave my kids long enough to hold a job Outside of the home & Cannot sign up for assistance. And if I break the 4 hour rule?? He can flip the custody and take the kids.

I am also responsible for 99% Of their appointments because they fall under my watch. ( I have the kids 90%) And guess what? Doctors are only open during the day/school hours& they’re only in school 5 to 6 hours per day anyway & during the school year only obviously. ( That means I can’t “work while the kids are in school”)
10-14hrs of appointments every week plus driving time. 

So. What to do?? I turned my hobby into my career. Yes. I realize I “make less than minimum wage per hour” and on paper it makes more sense to give up. But what other options do I have? Yeah…. No thank you. I choose to keep my kids.

I realize this means I still don’t have time for myself. Or any “off time” really… but if this is what it takes to protect my children then This is what I choose.

And all the while, I bend over backwards to help everyone else. No one should ever have to feel the pain that I endored.

( The very few feel that I’m worth the same.)

3 1/2yrs later. I still have no one I can really turn to or trust…. or that I would even want to burden anyone with all this.
I still freak out on the inside when I have to be around people/out of the home. Although I’m told it’s not as obvious as I feel it is.

& yes, as much as I don’t want to be, I am “single by choice.” Because I never want to take a chance again of anyone ever hurting my kids.  ( And what SANE person would want to take on the chaos that is my life?!)

I hold together and I do what I have to do. I could handle it better if I didn’t have doctors asking to probe into my past.  I would dodge the questions if it weren’t for the fact they’re asking me in order to help my children overcome it.
Years of therapy have helped me realize the logic of why things occurred…. and that an hour a week is just not enough to fix anything. Over a year ago, I graduated out of counseling, And was deemed healthy.

I’ve never had the down time or help To give up and crawl into a ball of depression. So in that aspect, having no help has been a blessing.

& I’m free. & for right now, my kids are doing better. (Although  my oldest has cut off all ties with him.)  I struggle with teaching my boys that it’s not okay to hurt me. It has been a long road, but there’s progress being made.