Hey! I’m still alive!

I’m still alive!! lol!

Wow soooo much has happened. Some major crises, some  positive, & LOTS of changes!

The BIGGEST change with the store is I moved! We got out of the dead mall and into a much busier area & larger store 6 mths ago. We are now 8,000sq ft!

That has been a rollar coaster on its own. Especially now with having 2 of m just my children about 90% of the time (accept when they are at school of course) and 1, 100% of the time. I can’t go into detail obviously as to why. Thomas, now 13yrs old just graduated from a partial hospital program after a year of treatment for Trauma & PTSD and is now going to Junior High School full time just last week! I’m so excited for him and the amazing changes he has made. He has blossomed so much- he’s learned social skills and has friends. He’s learning to speak up for himself and that his rights/desires matter no matter where he is. He even did cross country this school year and is currently in Drama Club, as well as a few different church groups. His fears, nightmares, etc are gone. I am so proud of his healing & growth. Now that he is 13 though, I am preparing for the hormonal mess that will come SOON. (Luckily I’ve survived it twice already and know what to expect.) 😉

My oldest, Michael, will be 22 this year and is currently enlisted, active duty & unfortunately we haven’t seen him in about a year. He gave me a necklace before he left a couple years ago and I have never taken it off since. It has become a symbol to strength/to remind me to stay strong.

Christopher is now 16 and in NJROTC, 2nd year. He is still the sweet, caring young man he has always been. Andrew is now 11, meaning I don’t have any LITTLES anymore! They are all growing up super fast- preteens and up!

I haven’t gotten a lot done to our house. But I have a few things in the works * hope to start some major things soon.

So the store. I am still working alone and just this month am starting to feel the work piling on as we are starting to get busier and busier. Hoping it keeps up! 8,000sq ft is A LOT to do alone, so I gotta keep growing in order to hire help. I will try to add some pictures on here if I can figure our how again. 😉

find the store on facebook and google under “Bee U Retail”



New store picture in this post is a little older, but all I have on my computer right now. 😉


Your Name Here(underwear)

So I’ve heard over the years stories of “putting your name in your underwear.” Usually in jokes etc.

But today, doing laundry for 3 boys that are about the same size, I understand this on a whole new level!!

I’m sitting here sorting all sorts of types of clothing & have no clue who 1/2 of it belongs to!  Up til now, simply assigning each boy a certain color hanger & matching laundry basket was enough. And awhile ago I pitched ALL the socks & bought dozens of the SAME type/style of sock to ease the mismatch sock problem. But now they are in overlapping sizes & even I don’t know who’s stuff is whos!

They each have their own style so certain ‘outer item’ things are easy. But I now fully understand the REAL reason for ‘labeling your underwear’… & everything else– not because it could get lost, but because who wants to wear their brothers’ boxers??!! 😉

So that’s it!! Where’s a marker??!!

Hello! (still kicking)

Well my world is a lonely place-constantly giving with no way to refill myself. I hold out hope that will change some day- that is what keeps me going.

My oldest son (19) has decided to enlist in the army. He apparently got very high on his military test  & has his pick of any active duty path he wants. Most likely whatever he choses be be highly classified & I wont have any idea where he is etc. Its scary.

I was offered a commercial shoot, advertising space in 1-2 movies, etc.   I was also offered an advertising spot for a county blog & facebook page.

The latter would cost $10 MORE, but both are reasonable.  The problem is I need A LOT of money to even be prepared to do either. I have no professional signage anywhere! At my front gate, around the mall, outside of the mall, or in my store such as section signs. I can’t afford a printer/ink so all the signs I do have I hand wrote.  I HAD banners outside the mall but someone stole them, clips & all.

I still need to come up with the $$$ for painting,  decor, & shelving. & A lot of other more seriously needed  things.

THIS is the turning point. That fine line between success & utter failure. If I had the above things, itd make a giant difference! But how??!! I tried applying for a loan but can’t prove enough income yet. So, to make it til now, I used credit cards. Now I owe arount $2,000.

BUT my 80+ clothing racks are paid off. I’ve put $$$ into buying stock for the store.

And that’s just the store.

I of course still have this house to remodel. I have some pretty serious issues here too, each carrying a hefty price tag. And Im scared of winter coming, as I hear this winter will be worse than last winter-which we barely survived. We are not eligible for ANY government funded programs at all due to the type of mortgage I have.

And overall I think the BIGGEST Issue is that Im doing all this ALONE. All the store stuff. All the house stuff. The housework, dr appts, etc. My health is being effected & I’m gaining a lot of weight. And I’m just sooo tired. No quality, educated man wants to take all this on. & I am NOT going to  settle for someone less now, that I will regret later.  I already lived that life for 13yrs! Never again!!

I just keep pushing myself one step at a time. I have no idea how this will all work or where I will get the money.

I dont know if I should go buy some poster board & hand write some signs & stick them out by the street NOW- even though it isnt very professional, or just wait & keep trying like I am now until I can afford fancy ones.

Well…. that is just some of the plates Im spinning right now. I gotta get back to laundry!

Oh & if you stumble across this, come find my new store on facebook!


~Clothing Your Whole Hive For LESS!!~

N2 Our Final AUG Weekend

Well, moving from the 1,300sq ft store to the 6,300 sq ft store, was the best move.  I am still running negative, but sales have doubled since the move. Of course, because I am still negative, I need to figure out a way to BOOST views, customers, etc ASAP!!

I already use Facebook, twitter, many others, and even craigs list. I have no money at all for any other advertising. And I am running out of ideas. It will still be awhile before news/newspapers etc are interested in my story.

I also need more racks (& help) etc. But there is no $$$ for any of it. So I am still just hopping around the store on my 1 good leg, over heating, but just keep going.

I am hoping this month will begin our turn around.



I get a kick out of people who think running your own business is easier than working for someone else. I knew how much work Id have to put in before hand because I took classes etc & started online, and gradually stepped up.

If it were easy EVERY one would not do it but succeed! I was already dealing with a full schedule but now am having to work myself so hard for no pay that my body is literally falling apart. It is a race to see which will happen 1st, my success or my final life altering break.

When I started this just a few short months ago, I was healthy & on zero pills. Now I’m on over a 1/2 dozen- for my heart, blood levels, etc. & of course the damage to my right knee, which is causing pain everywhere else due the rest of my body trying to compensate. I also put on stress weight-not from eating;  Im not eating much at all.

The store is coming together. Sales have doubled & are climbing but not as fast as they need to. I can’t even afford AC. 
Thats a race too– if things aren’t high enough before the weather  turns, I won’t have any way to be our personal heat bill. We barely made it through last year & lost 1/2 our plumbing to freezing pipes that I still cant afford to fix.

Also I wont even go into how many other important things I havent gotten to because there is just no.more.time. 

Yesterday, the boys chipped in-my 8yr old changed my sheets&pillow cases, & my 10yr old cut the grass with rotary cutter. (I haven’t checked the grass yet-but it couldnt have been worse than the overgrown mess that was out there.)
While I worked on laundry, cat baths, vacuuming, etc.

Today is another “off day.” We only have 1 appt this afternoon & the rest of the day will be filled with more house work. My kids are in school about 5 hrs today, & then have church tonight. I have to get stuff caught up but Im so exhausted it is affecting everything.

So Much Pain.

I am in so much pain. My left knee is starting to hurt the same way this right one started. And back is cramping up. But the pain in my right knee is insane!! I had to take the brace off in order to drive to my son’s unmissable appt an hour away. (& I have to do it again next week!). i can’t take the stupid Rxs they gave me bc AFTER I pick them up Walgreens decides to tell me I cant drive til 24hrs after i take the pill!!
I HAVE TO DRIVE EVERY DAY!! If its not the kids appts, its work! That also means I have choice but to take the brace off to drive- even with the torn meniscous&stress fractures!
I. Have. NO ONE!! Its beating down on me pretty hard right now. There is not one person I can call for help! Not.even.one.  And I obviously have no money so hiring anyone is not an option.
But gee. Dead beat getto mom after another-getting handed everything for nothing more than pouting for the billionth time! “We dont have furniture so heres my Gofund me accnt”– next day $1000s if freaking dollars for a mom with s dozen kids by all different dads who refuses to work– & has lost 1/2 for neglect! Guess what. We dont have furniture either. Im literally falling apart bc Im working so hard for my kids, but NO ONE CARES.

Im literally crawling around to still take care of my kids & all my other responsibilities. But I’m alone. Like Ive always been. Right now I have no idea how I’ll get through the pain to get the kids up, dressed, off to school, & to/through work. I’m so tired. Everything hurts so bad. So many years of this crap. Im invisible.
Im soooo hungry but have no strength left to get down stairs& across the house again- It took all I had earlier for the kids.
Im tired but cant sleep. The more I try to lay here, the worse the pain gets.
Take the brace off at night? Theres.no.freaking.way. Theres no surviving THAT pain.
Keep icing it? HOW??!! I dont keep ice in my room& cant get 5mins to sit down when the kids are up. If I could make it to the kitchen, I would EAT.  ….I have to go grocery shopping ASAP too…. even if I survive the store, how am I supposed to get everything from the van, up 2 sets of stairs& inside??!!

I just dont understand…

I Finally Broke.

Well I finally broke. I have limping around for a week or 2 with knee pain that was greating worse. Then my knee popped& swelled.
Apparently I limped myself through my kids’ open houses, including having to park blocks away & hike to/from, with a torn meniscous, and possible stress fractures in my right knee.
I have an hour drive each way for an extremely important appt at Childrens Hospital for my son that I cant miss-it can’t be rescheduled-we already waited a year for it,  but I can’t bend my right leg.  I of course have no family etc to help, so this will be interesting. 😦

So, I will be hobbling around some how, still doing everything I have to by myself somehow. This is just another obstacle in my path…