Personal Update

I’m working myself way too hard; I can feel it- somewhere over 80hrs/week for sure (im at the mall store over 40hrs just on weekends) of mostly manual labor without breaks. It is hard to keep track past that. I didn’t take Tuesday off this week and I’m paying for it. I’m getting very little sleep-up to 6hrs if I’m lucky.
And this week I also spent a lot of house cleaning to do on top of it.

I’m also stressing because my kids are about to leave for a week. All these years, and I still have no idea how I survive these periods. It’s always major stress the week before- dreading them leaving, packing their things, trying to remember HOW I survived it in the past, & listening to kids tell me they don’t want to go & they want to stay home breaks my heart.

My heart stuff is worse. My monitor is going off several times per day & there is a tightness in my chest & neck that keeps gradually getting worse. It’s affecting me turning my head.  But I just have to keep going.

Today I need to make BIGGER signs for my Lindenwald store, saying we are at the mall-people have said they didnt see our smaller signs- & pack up some of the stuff from there to take to the mall. I’ll probably take all the rest of the maternity, all the bigger boys clothes, the mens clothes, all my cloth diapers, & at least most of the shoes. I don’t have boxes, & my mall store is already super packed, & I only slept 5 1/2hrs so this will be interesting….

I have to pack the boys’ suitcases still, I have a giant home AC/heat pump in the back of my van that I have to figure out how to get out&upstairs, and I have to be back at home by 3pm for my kids to be picked up, so this will be quite a task.

The pain in my chest is somewhat bareable but hurts. & I’m definitely stiff& my joints are hurting pretty bad. Everyone preaches about how I should be in bed, yet no one is willing or “able” to help me without $$$ (a neighbor did weed whip our back yard jungle, thanks!) which means I have to just keep going by myself while trying to detangle 3 hyper & emotional boys underfoot. And ironically, while they are gone, it will be much harder to function. Being a mom for over 1/2 my life, I can’t focus as well & lose my drive when they are gone.

I’m on meds that are supposed to raise my “dangerously low” iron & vitanin levels, but I feel worse, not better(that Dr was supposed to be looking in to admitting me for transfusions for that & severe dehydration over a month ago & call me back, but I guess forgot about me). & I of course need inpatient heart surgery so the delay on that probably explains a lot.  I’ve gained at least 10lbs in the past month too-I guess from stress.

But, ok. I’m done pouting now. I gotta suck it up & get moving- its already 7:20am!


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