WHY

Why do so many people have nothing better to than ATTACK those trying???!!!

I hear reasons like “well they had a bad childhood”..etc… but this makes NO SENSE. I didnt turn out that way!

My blog only shows a small glimpse of my “childhood” as the rest of it is unthinkably worse, it is  not suitable to post.

Yet here I am. Working myself to death to NOT end up like the steriotypes.

It is really hard to have no real life support. Online posts are nice, but it still comes down to the fact I have no one to turn to in our biggest times of need, those times are also when I recieve the most amount of hate mail!!

Strangers assume I MUST be on some kind of welfare & MUST be commiting some kind of fraud.
I’M NOT. WHY would I risk everything for a lie??!!
They take time to stop and email me the most hateful things you can think of.
For the record, I AM educated.
And not all special needs are obvious from birth, thus I did not know my children would end up with special needs until later.
Doctors assured us none of it was hereditary and the chances of it ever happening again were no higher than any other healthy parent.
I was obedient to my then husband, each time he wanted each child. (Be warned, quiverful parents!) They were planned.
I NEVER expected to wake up on my son’s birthday and have our world shattered & end up alone like I am today.

I say I have ‘no family’ because my ‘family’ threw me away and never wanted me. I got tired of having to explain myself to people when they ask “why doesnt your family help you???” “What did YOU do that makes them not want to help you???”

I was **9** when my sister, who was forced to raise me til then, left for college. It was her right-she was 18. & she should have NEVER been forced to raise me. From then on, I was left to raise myself–years of said “family” calling me names & constantly putting me down. All I ever wanted was someone, anyone, to love me. To see some kind of good in me.
It landed me in some bad circumstances. Each time, I tried even HARDER to not be all those things my own ‘family’ said I was. Each day, I worked harder at being a perfectionist including doing everything possible that people wanted from me. (To this day, I have a SPOTLESS record-not even a speeding ticket.)

Nothing has ever been enough. And I have learned no matter how much I do for others, rarely will anyone be there in return.

So, I have worked long and hard to build “the american dream” by myself, for my children. To give my kids what I never had. I have worked so hard, that now I am strapped to a heart monitor& need heart surgery.
I wonder to myself if maybe after 34 years of heart break after heart break, my heart is finally giving up. If maybe I did finally work myself too hard. My chest hurts so bad & this stupid machine keeps setting off some kind of alarms.
But, what am I doing? Cleaning. During the constant snow storm of children. As any mom knows, you clean one area, move to the next, & your previous spot instantly is a mess again.
3 boys, 5 cats, 2 dogs, & a rabbit-all housed on the 2nd floor- in competition with me trying to keep everything clean& organized alone. All 11 needing food, bathes, & clean up daily.  Whatever you do, DONT ask me when I have free time. (I even write these posts 1-handed while working on all of the above + 2 businesses worth of work.)

So, I just don’t get it. I work so hard to be self sufficient. I go out of my way for others. I am NOT some ‘scammer’ looking for free $$. WHY do so many have nothing better to do than ATTACK those trying in life, & yet freely give away $$ etc to the REAL scammers??!!

Some day, I will make it far enough to BE the help those like me need but don’t have…

Anyway, I gotta put myself & 3 kids together & head to yet another Dr appt, etc.
Off I go!

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