There is a link below that is a lot like my life- I thought I’d share. Except I’m a single mom, & add a billion Dr & therapy appts tossed in, & of course restoring the house & running a business.
(& DONT get me started on all the steriotypes DUMPED on me every single day I have to fight. Or the death threats. OR how many times my tires have been slashed in these 4yrs Ive been single.)
Even when I was married, I was expected to do all the things in the article alone 99% of the time too, so becoming single really wasn’t a giant leap in that aspect.
My 2 youngest are less than 2yrs apart & I cloth diapered 3 at once (newborn, 2yrs, & 5 and on) & extended breast fed. I have also always had multiple kids at multiple schools. So the story link below is quite relatable for me. I never got breaks, unless you count the hour of church a week (after hrs of prep to get there). & even then I was constantly called out to nurse a baby or change a cloth diaper, or tend to crying.
《《Regular daycares & sitters are not equipped to deal with my children’s special needs. Daycare assistance has NO providers on their list trained for special needs. The lowest quote I have ever gotten for childcare was $20/hr(& that person was scary!)– subtract that from your hourly wage after taxes–& don’t forget to add drive time. It’s why I live the way I do. I weigh every option in every direction before I choose a path.》》
Actually- my life is basically the same still, even with the kids being older. None are in diapers, but I still deal with ‘accidents’ & still have a cryer, a bolter, & at least 1 climber(see link below). Thankfully, we are now at a church with an amazing special needs program…but its still hours of prep, & an hour round trip driving, for an hour of church.
I’m a neat freak and organizer- clutter makes me litterally feel sick. I get overstimulated & overwhelmed by mess. But I have 3 boys left at home who lack the understanding of WHY they cant follow behind me undoing all my work: I put all the books neatly on the bookshelf, *some unknown ghost* immediately pulls them out all over again…
I pick up all the toys etc *no one* got out, and in the time it takes to walk to another room and back, the toys are BACK, and also filled hampers are dumped across the hall, & it looks like a war using pet food occured- confused kids staring at me, swearing they don’t know what happened. And of course, I still have everything else on my plate- the full time job of cleaning, doesn’t actually *count* as “work.”
《《Quotes for house cleaning are HIGHER than childcare. & the same effects occur right after.》》
AND OHHH THE PEOPLE WHO PREACH!!
The kind that NEVER physically help and have no personal experience with what I’m living, but always: “well why font u try this….” & “you should do that…” -Like I’m a complete idiot who hasn’t already exhausted all the obvious & more. I’m talking dozens of preachers/mth… 99.9% of those ‘shoulds’ I tried YEARS ago & it wastes time I don’t have to politely explain I’m way beyond said option, etc. (& already the reasons are slready posted in my blogs over and over.)
《《Note: I’ve been a special needs mom for nearly 2 decades. A single parent (this 2nd time) for 4years.》》
And I’m living under a long list of rules I CAN’T BREAK. EVERY decision regarding my kids must be approved by their father/ his lawyers- it doesnt matter to the court that I have them 90%. I can’t move without their consent. I can’t switch education settings, sign up for programs, add/stop therapies, hold a job, use a baby sitter- or even go on vacation without their consent. Recent example: I signed my kids up for an after school program(which to my face was ok) but then got a letter that the program was threatened they will be sued if my kids were let in, so my kids were turned away. Money wins because it buys lawyers. And legal aid is a joke. Been there. Been there. Been.There. (but all that also already in my blog)
I’m not in my situation because of lack of education; I followed/follow all the rules & live as pure as possible- I have a spotless record- even driving record. (& it’ll stay that way not because of my own children, & my own morals, but also in order to fulfill my future goals. See: ’10year’ post.)
I’m the one people come to when they can’t find help/answers because I’ve already researched it all. I served on county boards for years.(& still go to meetings as possible) I went to college for it for God’s sake!
Anyway, it’s nice to come across other’s posts sometimes who understand & also not afraid to flat out say it. So here is one about what its really like to have 2 parents & 3 ‘typical’ kids (about the ages of mine):