Today’s Ramblings…

wow, it’s the end of June already??? Time is moving faster than I can keep up lately. & we are supposed to be full moved out of the old place by today…
… I still have about 1/3 to move, plus my son’s car that won’t start & my younger boys’ giant beds that must go out through a 2nd floor window….. & no help. Big surprise huh?

I may be able to borrow  a trailer today for the beds…they wont fit in my van.

Despite 2 months, Michael has done nothing to get his car together for the move. Instead,  he left it sitting in the back so long that all 4 tires are flat and it won’t start at all. He left my air compressor outside and it got stolen a while back. He left my large gas can full of gas outside and of course got stolen too. He hasn’t lifted a finger to look for even odd jobs, & throws tantrums when I ask him to help me pack & move stuff. I’ve found him jobs in the past, but he’s been fired from every one of them & now won’t bother to even call the leads I’ve found for him anymore.  So, he has no job, but expects me to still feed him, cloth him, pay for his car, let him cart off my phone( that he tells everyone is his), leaves a mess everywhere he goes for me to deal with, & THEN has enough nerve to throw a fit because I can’t afford to have home internet, etc, so he can talk to his friends & make plans to go out.

What do you do when your grown children refuse to act grown??? Do you know you have to legally evict your adult child if you want them to move out & they refuse? Yes, court fees, paperwork fees, lawyer fees, & all.

And I know he can’t fully take of himself. But, the fun part is HE still refuses to believe it. & yet, he won’t even TRY.  The kid just seriously with at least two weeks without showering,  because I did not remind him to do it. I wanted to see how long I
he would go before he remembered on his own, but I could not stand the stink anymore.

And he has a list of people he’s flat out lied to about me, who he says will just let him move in with them. & I believe it- his friends drive him all over the place, give him clothes and money, etc, etc. They are all great young guys, with JOBS, their own cars, & well off parents.  But I honestly do not understand why they do all they do for him. & when I come across their parents,  I get dirty looks, etc. Michael has a history of creating large stories to get  what he wants from people. I know this because I’ve been confronted by people who believe his stories, most of his life. A BIG one was when he was still in elementary school. he had completely convinced his Sunday School teachers that he did everything in our home- and I do mean everything- I was pulled aside and completely chewed out by church folk, who basically told me what a horrible mother I was that I would make my young child do all the laundry, all the house cleaning, all the cooking, AND Even make him take care of his younger brothers, While I was supposedly just sitting around doing nothing….
…forget the fact he has issues that cause this- to the point he was admitted in the hospital twice for it!

To this day, it still is very frustrating they would believe such a crazy story from my child over me. And ever since, he’s used it as a “threat” to get out of work or even self care. the minute he’s expected to do any real work, he’s on Twitter or Facebook, etc, bashing me.  I’ve had people threatening to take my kids away from me since I was 14. No matter how perfect I tried become, it’s never been enough.

I’m worn out. I’m tired of doing everything with little help.  & Getting kids to help is more work than them not helping in the first place…

People say they could never do all I do, but when faced with the option of do it, or lose your kids, I’m sure ANYONE could…

I’m no different than anyone else. I don’t have any special powers or extra energy. I’m just a mother fighting to keep my family together, because they are all I have.

So, regardless of how drained I feel, I somehow need to pull myself up & go figure all this out. I don’t understand why God lead me down this path, I’m just wandering down it, waiting for it all to pan out….

Ms 1/2 dead kitty: WARNING-GRAPHIC “b/f” pics!

LM is looking A WHOLE LOT BETTER today!! Swelling is down finally, shes opening her eye (still a little bloody), AND its the *1st* time she has been ANGRY about being in the cage(great news!)- looks like she will be graduating to her own bedroom today!! 🙂

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Before photos::

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This photo was her HIP bones- she was so skinny you could not only see her bones but also heard joints! Her for was severely matted. When I 1st found her, I truly thought it was some sort of three day old road kill…until she tried to lift her head, opened her 1 eye, and tried to meow but nothing came out… we really thought she was missing an eye:

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And here she was the 1st time she tried to stand up on her own- you can see how bad her fur was:

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~~Who needs it anyway???~~

So…. I Obviously don’t have any money to buy a new stove right now… BUT- how often did we use the stove? & for what?

At walmart last night, I found an “Electric Skillet” for under $20… and this got me thinking. 

We DONT have a traditional stove. BUT we DO HAVE:
#1: A microwave… 1/2 The time I even use that to boil water instead of using the stove anyway.(left)
#2: a counter top toaster oven/broiler. It bakes AND toasts AND broils.(right)

#3: & now, a table top electric skillet- that can brown ground beef etc…. (middle)

So. What does a giant stove do that these three items can’t?? … you know, other than take up a bunch of room in your kitchen AND heat it up really hot in the summer – & try setting your big oven outside while it cools. 😉
(OH- &  harder to clean too.)

So. Here it is, my COOK CENTER (sans drawers I havent brought over yet& it could use a coat of paint…& another shelf across the top?)

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TOTAL COST:  under $25!
(Skillet, oven, paint- already had other stuff)
What do you think?? :+)

Treading Water….

I can “see” this new place finished. Or at least more together.  It’s a very stressful time right now- 1/2 moved & must be out of the old place in 3 days. Jam packed schedule – appointments today, farmer market tonight, more appointments tomorrow- still need to schedule the utilities to be shut off over there too, that I forgot to do yesterday- & farmer Market saturday 7a-1p, THEN I have a baby expo 1p-4p, THEN I have to move the other 1/2 of our home with my minivan.  AND of course orders to fill/finish- looming over me like a giant guilt storm cloud.

But, once everything is moved, at least that’s less stress…

Meanwhile, as we squeeze around boxes & furniture,  I can envision my house put together – how things will be easier in this place.

My laundry room will be on the same floor as the bedrooms, in the once “kitchen.” So, basically, all the bedrooms open right into it. So far, I haven’t needed even 1 of our 1/2 dozen hampers that has been a staple in our lives for decades- the washer is so close I can just toss everything directly in it.
(& I’m trying not to focus on the fact we dont have a plug for the dryer.  At least it has been hot enough that everything is drying super fast. )

My bedroom slowly looks more like a bedroom. I even found 2 long lost rugs for my floor.

The boys’ rooms- well… I REALLY  need to get the 3rd floor done- most of their stuff will go up there…

The boutique is slowly forming- though honestly, it is currently the dumping ground for all the furniture and boxes as they come over. Once out of the other house, I will be able to focus more over here.

The kitchen.  I had to stop & do some painting so I could put up shelves for our kitchen stuff. (Photos in past post)  I felt really guilty the whole time because I have custom orders that still need filled… But we needed the shelves so I could unpack our food so we can eat…

( But without orders we have no money to buy food so we can eat… classic chicken /egg problem. )

Oh. And the drain pipe for the kitchen sink would be great….

& I need to *find* my office /sewing room again. After we get fully moved over, I can put us on a new schedule.

( With breathing time.)

& during all of this, money is insanely tight. That never helps anyone’s stress level. We are at about $800/mth income right now. $600 of that is typical “house” bills- and that is just the new place. The rest is all basically gas for the van.
(Yeah… I don’t know either…)

Well, I better HURRY- I have an appointment 40mins away & am NOT ready!

Today is my birthday …

…One of 2 of the most depressing days of the year…

Mothers day & my birthday.  Every year, I swear my boys go out of their way to not listen or behave at all on these days.

( But at least it’s not the other way around)

The biggest days that I look back & see all the sacrifices Ive made for them. & kids are kids. They don’t care. At least not now. Maybe some day, but not while they are kids. Or even as young adults. I know because I was young once.

As an adult now, I understand wanting to give up & run away. (Although I still don’t understand actually ever doing it.)

& my birthday also marks the halfway point of the year- another year Ive promised myself things that I haven’t followed through on- like a break.  A real break- not a break from work to do more work, which is what my “breaks” consist of. (Ex: I break from boutique work, to clean& paint etc)

We were supposed to be at our volunteer place right now- but I’m still trying to get these guys out of bed. Michael got up for a minute, went down stairs & started yelling & throwing a fit because “we have no plates!!” 
Nearly 18 & yet he can’t WASH a plate, or PACK the rest of the dishes to move them over here- but he can throw a fit& go lay back down. On my birthday. Over plates. Yeah….

Oh. And get angry I cant afford a stove/oven, so I cant BAKE them a cake- he threw a fit yesterday saying “your birthday is not all about you!” when my reply to this was that I could BUY them a cake…
(I HATE BAKING & COOKING!)

THEIR Birthdays are all completely about them. They get parties & cake & whatever they want to do. I make sure their day is special.

Yeah. My birthday & mothers day. The 2 days I want to crawl under my bed & cry. But I refuse to give up on my kids. I know what that feels like. No one should have to endure it- especially those who didn’t choose to be brought into this world.

Ok. Well. We are an hour late for our volunteer work & I need to stop pouting, drag kids outa bed & get out the door!