I REFUSE TO FAIL.

I have my plumbing quote. (more than 1mths wages)

I have my electrical quote. (also more than 1 mths wages)

I have exhausted all potential “agency” funding for anything pertaining to the new house. (We fall through their loop holes.)

I run out of money in 2 months (counting JUST the basics- house payments, utilities, food, etc). I MUST be 100% moved by the end of July.

I refuse to fail.  This will work somehow.

I am willing to do anything *LEGAL* to make this work. This is my only chance to give my children a real future. I have made it over 3 years, fully funding my family, not asking for anyone for anything, providing all their needs, on well under the poverty level,  and still always giving to my community on a weekly basis.

The 2013 Poverty Level for a family of 5 is $27,570. This number shocks me every time I read it. Our income is about 1/2 of that. BUT we survive. I make it work.  I have worked up to 120 hours per week to make it work. To dream of someday making $27,000 per year- wow- we could afford to do things, like that school carnival tomorrow, that at $13/kid for wrist bands, means a crushing “I’m sorry guys, we just cant… I just don’t have that kind of money right now…”  Every time is rips me apart.

BUT I refuse to fail. I refuse to give up and just go join the welfare line.

And I always, always have a plan. A plan for everything. But, this year. This situation, I just don’t.  My son turns 18 in July. His support will stop. But the bills won’t. Yes, I took a HUGE gamble buying this property. But, at the same time:

We cant stay where we are.  I cant grow my business in a falling down house in the ghetto that no one dares visit. That’s just the truth behind it. Potential clients ask to “come see my studio”… noooooo… The reality hit when I tried to do in home childcare last year.  Although I have a spotless back ground record- I have never even gotten a speeding ticket- and although my house was spotless and safety-proofed, we live across from a park/playground, years of childcare & preschool teaching experience, I dont smoke, or drink, or do any sort of drugs, etc etc (spotless as in- people with serious cat allergies can come in MY home & not have a problem- we have 3 cats)… people did not want their children in this neighborhood….

The only families who didn’t just drive off once they realized the location, wanted me to supply all food, etc and only charge an average of $2/hr. and THEN had enough nerve to NOT pay me.

Hence, the move into 100% JUST my boutique…which has lead to needing a BIGGER property, in a safer neighborhood. (for the record, although our current neighborhood “looks” scary- it really has been quite nice…but no one is willing to believe me.) The biggest issue for me is everything I fix here benefits someone else and we are super over crowded here.

So, anyway….  I am looking into all options- few of which have panned out yet. I DID find an electrician who is willing to give me a payment plan of 6 months, and with 0% interest. And I do believe he is offering me the very most he can without causing problems for himself. AND he is even willing to move around other jobs and start my new house as early as THIS MONDAY. and they can get it done in *1* day.

I hate hate HATE owing people money though.  In my situation, I can’t 100% guarantee I can pay it off in time- anything could happen- we are walking a very fine line here. I just can’t bare the idea of owing someone something & failing to hold up my end. I don’t even like accepting money for big orders until it is complete for that reason!

Staying in our current house was a huge dead end. That was a 100%. It is not only 1/2 the size, but the monthly payments are MORE than the new house that is double the size- again- so I can actually move enough to run my business.

My current studio: 182sq ft (my cutting table alone takes up 25% of that & we also gave up our living room). My NEW studio: approx 1,000sq ft – apartment 1, of 4. We will live in apartment 2, which is 2 floors. It has 3 bedrooms, etc are all on 1 floor and the top floor will be a Sensory Room. (3/4 boys have special sensory needs.)  I will have exact sq ft soon- the city is still waiting for my official floor plans- although they have verbally agreed to my business plan and set up, and even approved DOUBLE the signage than I requested. The historic neighborhood committee also seems super excited and accepting.  And of course, I’ve already shared how excited and helpful the neighbors are.

So, I just have to figure the rest of this out. But I REFUSE TO FAIL. Time to get back to work!  Thank you for stopping by and reading my ramblings… 😉

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