Thomas Home

Thomas is home. (Insurance ran out.)  Staff stated “he is still extremely Oppositional and just plain nasty.”  There were quite a few times when the whole train staff couldn’t handle him& he had to be isolated. They sent him home and told me I’m going to need lots of help in the home. ….um….yeah….

So far, I’ve seen a lot of anger&yelling. He’s had a few times where he says he hates someone & he’s been upset easily.   Though bedtime last night was odd- he thanked me when I said it was time for bed, what straight up stairs and fell asleep in my bed.  And Andrew went straight to bed in his own room.  I was so confused I didn’t know what to do with myself lol.
I was left wide awake with not even any one left to read to.

He’s on 4 medications, 3x/day. Doctor said it could be up to a full two months before they start working fully.

Meanwhile, I have a custom order to finish and get shipped ASAP, appts today, paperwork that needs dropped off  across town, of farmers market to be ready for this Saturday morning, and of course lots of cleaning and packing and moving.

Still nothing on the plumbing. (Cost $3,600& Must be done before we move in a month) Income down to about $800/mth-big ouch. It has been difficult to do all the “work stuff” while driving back and forth to the hospital each day, and still having to keep up with all our regular appointments and such- and of course I’ve been really sick through it all. I’m trying keep our head above water as best as I can.

And that’s about it. Today is mostly dedicated to getting Thomas Re acclimated to our home& Trying to figure out a plan to get him back in school.

Thank you for stopping by.

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Thomas update

I’m still really sick, the doctors already informed me I can’t get better with all the stress, so I’m just pushing on.

I called to check on Thomas in the hospital today. He is still refusing to take any medications, or let them draw blood for tests etc, and is kicking and screaming and hitting, to the point that no hospital staff can handle him… he has been placed in solitary confinement– which is exactly like the padded room you see in the movies. A small room, with padded walls, completely alone. The thought alone is just unbearable. I really don’t know what to do.
I mean, if you stick your child in a room like that at home, you go to jail for abuse. When he’s at home, everyone expects me to ” handle him” when he is like that… and completely on my own… and God forbid I ever leave a mark or anything while I’m doing it, because after all, that’ll send you to jail too.  So…. Why is it okay to do this in the hospital??

Insurance runs out and they plan to send him home on Tuesday. What am I supposed to do?

& yes, we have every single type of professional available. And have for 3 years. But, none of them can “handle” him.

I Even was able to get the insurance to qualify us for din home aide A few hours a week  **BUT** None of the agencies Who accept our insurance have an aide who is capable of handling him- they’re only trained for basic “grooming.” Not with dealing with such fits.

I am maxing out credit cards that I can’t pay for, to pay for gas to drive back and forth to the hospital. I still need $3600 for plumbing(& still can’t get a plumber to call me back after they hear I don’t have the money in hand) , and have to have us all moved in a month.) (& with Thomas in tow)

I’m only bringing in about $700/mth income now & also start the farmer markets this coming weekend. Some how.

I Just don’t know what to do… I do know that its unbearable to know my child is an hour away and locked in a padded room because they can’t handle him… I just I want to be there, holding him, telling him its okay and we will find a solution.

All three other boys are suffering as well. I have teachers calling me with their concerns. They’re handling themselves pretty well here at home, but apparently it’s coming out at school.

I just don’t know what else to do. I have no one HERE. In my home, to personally help with anything… and I obviously can’t afford it.

I’m sick. But there isnt time for rest. I am cleaning and packing alone.  I’m thankful for all the thoughts and prayers. But Im alone.

I’m dragging myself in to scrub floors, vacuum and shampoo carpets, & start setting up rooms now. Christopher and Andrew are keeping each other occupied at the moment. So I just need to get myself up shake this off and get busy again…

Updates

Thomas is still in the hospital and still on full restrictions. His Brothers wanted to go see him today, but I’m not sure how to work it out, as the Hospital is not sure he can handle ” that many visitors at once.”   So, I’m still trying to figure that out.

Also, I went down and officially signed up for the Hamilton farmers market this morning. I’m glad I didn’t sign up for a boo starting today, As that would have been just way too much on my plate… Hopefully I will get a booth up next Saturday morning.

There’s Still so much to do In all areas… 
I came back from checking out the market, & cut 20 pul OS diaper outers.

I have 14 OS AI2s, 10 OS pocket diapers, 26 AIO trainers, & 3 OS pocket fitteds, as well as various sized diaper cuts all begging to be finished…

I also need to finish cleaning the new house and start moving our stuff over much faster- we’re running out of time fast! Only about a month to get everything done. I want to take over at least three vanloads today, & again tomorrow.

Well. Thank you for stopping by- I need to go run and get busy!

hospital

Thomas had another rough week which resulted in his Dr sending him to be hospitalized. They currently say at least 5-7days. Once settled in, fed, & bathed, he seemed in better spirits.  Hes been off all medications & hes been a totally different child every 10mins.  One minute hes happy, the next hes biting, kicking, clawing… just praying they find a solution.  I am scared  he could really end up hurting someone.

Also, according to my own hospital trip the night before, I officially made myself sick “due to extreme stress.” I never believed it was really possible.. but apparently it is- the doctor took one look at me and knew right away….Im really sick & have “stress ulcers” ( I think it looks like chicken pox)- and apparently wont get better unless/until I give myself time to rest/heal.  Im dripping sweat( like with a high fever), my throat/glands & eyes are swollen, etc.  They cant give me anything to help.

I have no one to care for the boys (&no $$), so yesterday I did what any mother would do- left the other 3 together, packed up my 9yr old son, put the $80 of gas it took on a credit card, & somehow succeeded in getting him to the hospital. From there, he was taken to another hospital by ambulance about an hour from our home (I followed) & hospitalized.
I actually feel it was best for him, but its devastating to leave the hospital empty handed.
I’m thankful its only temporary.

I will be making the drive everyday until he comes home.  Though honestly have no idea how Ill even cover gas. (Or how long I can hold up)

Im sad he will miss the holiday weekend – which I had planned to take off & just spend sometime as a family.

Michael & Christopher will be out of town Friday night– Michael  Is opening at a concert for  KJ-52!

So, now Friday will be just Andrew & I.  All other plans are out the window.

Of course, I am also down to a month to find $3600 for plumbing & get our entire household moved. Idk how.

(All Of the above on my mind is probably why I’m up at 4 a.m.)

hospital

Thomas had another rough week which resulted in his Dr sending him to be hospitalized. They currently say at least 5-7days. Once settled in, fed, & bathed, he seemed in better spirits.  Hes been off all medications & hes been a totally different child every 10mins.  One minute hes happy, the next hes biting, kicking, clawing… just praying they find a solution.  I am scared  he could really end up hurting someone.

Also, according to my own hospital trip the night before, I officially made myself sick “due to extreme stress.” I never believed it was really possible.. but apparently it is- the doctor took one look at me and knew right away….Im really sick & have “stress ulcers” ( I think it looks like chicken pox)- and apparently wont get better unless/until I give myself time to rest/heal.  Im dripping sweat( like with a high fever), my throat/glands & eyes are swollen, etc.  They cant give me anything to help.

I have no one to care for the boys (&no $$), so yesterday I did what any mother would do- left the other 3 together, packed up my 9yr old son, put the $80 of gas it took on a credit card, & somehow succeeded in getting him to the hospital. From there, he was taken to another hospital by ambulance about an hour from our home (I followed) & hospitalized.
I actually feel it was best for him, but its devastating to leave the hospital empty handed.
I’m thankful its only temporary.

I will be making the drive everyday until he comes home.  Though honestly have no idea how Ill even cover gas. (Or how long I can hold up)

Im sad he will miss the holiday weekend – which I had planned to take off & just spend sometime as a family.

Michael & Christopher will be out of town Friday night– Michael  Is opening at a concert for  KJ-52!

So, now Friday will be just Andrew & I.  All other plans are out the window.

Of course, I am also down to a month to find $3600 for plumbing & get our entire household moved. Idk how.

(All Of the above on my mind is probably why I’m up at 4 a.m.)

THOMAS UPDATE- STILL NEED LOTS OF PRAYER PLEASE!!

I took Thomas back to the Doctor today, after doing all I could to keep him out over the weekend.  She said she is “on the fence”… leaning more toward him being admitted.

He is off ALL medications except his mood stabilizer and stayed home with me today.  He is able to- for right now- stay out of the hospital unless he has another incident.  The school will allow him back tomorrow- BUT they are very nervous- now that he’s off most meds… at the sign of any distress, he will be sent to the office, to call me and cool down.  If that is not enough, he will be sent home.  ALL under the acknowledgment that if he acts out in a violent way he will be removed for the rest of the school year…

Just as if MY child was being hurt by someone at his school, I’m on the other side, scared and looking for protection.  It is difficult to think MY child, my *9* year old child, threw a kid against a brick wall, scraped him across it, then strangled him until he turned red- while actually saying “I’m going to kill you.”  I still don’t even understand WHY he did this.  But, there rarely is a “trigger”…  it’s very hard to not accept the guilt and blame. WHY can’t I HELP HIM??!! I should be able to HELP him, I am his mother…

So. He was home with me today. The fact that he is OFF medications AND detoxing off said meds, it has been a roller coaster ride– his mood changes every 10 minutes.  He was fine, then BOOM aggressive, then BOOM in a fetal position, wrapped up in his blanky, begging me to help him, and telling me how “sick” he feels.  There is nothing that can be done until he is fully detoxed.  After that, we start all over from scratch, trying new medications, that will hopefully work better.

 It’s pretty unbearable- the only thing worse would be knowing he feels like THIS, while sitting alone in a hospital room, over an hour’s drive away- where I would only be able to see him during “visiting hours” and his brothers are NOT allowed at all…and honestly, I have no idea how I’d even afford gas back and forth, more or less what I’d do with the other boys. Oh man. It’s too much to think about. Just praying he can stay home.  I can deal with having to literally watch him at all times, endure bites, scratches, bruises, damages- none are as bad as the though of him suffering alone and not being allowed to see him…

Also- if he goes the the hospital now, he will miss the entire rest of the school year… AND he will be at a NEW school next year– meaning gone with out even a chance to say his final goodbyes.

He goes back to the Doctor on Friday to be reevaluated again.  Then, he has occupational therapy after that.

ON A GOOD NOTE:

#1:    the ELECTRIC IS 99% finished!!! ALL rooms having working light fixtures& outlets!  The 3rd floor has NO outlets at all- they will be need to added. AND I still need a “220” outlet for out dryer…. (and of course another $800+ I still owe him for it all.)

#2:    I got our utility bills down to about *1/2* the average month!! Average bill: $255… This month’s bill: $119.05!!!(Granted we are dripping with sweat this week-averaging 80-85 in here, going with out lights as much as possible, etc etc- but hey, look at that savings!! & just in time to have *2* utility bills starting in a month, until we are fully moved.)

#3:   & Someone dropped off **24** empty milk jugs today– apparently a local food bank sadly had to dump a bunch of milk that showed up expired– but a volunteer there had remembered me talking about how I’m taking milk jug of water at a time over to the new house, because we have no plumbing yet, and so instead of just throwing it all out, jug and all, they poured all the milk out, rinsed them, filled a big bag full, and brought them over to me.  I have about 3 dozen jugs now, which means one full van load vs dumping and bringing back a few nearly each time we are over there…

(Did you know it takes approx *3 1/2* Gallons of water JUST to flush a toilet??!! & about a gal at a time for cleaning, so far an average of about 3 more gals each time I go over and clean.)  I still need $3,600 somehow for the plumbing.

Ok… I hear Thomas SCREAMING at Andrew, as they are headed in from being with their dad a couple hours after school today- doesn’t sound pretty- time to go get them in and ready for bed…

Rough week…

Hello and thanks for stopping by.

Its been a rough week. Thomas was suspended from school again- 6th time this school year for nine separate instances.
Also, he was only at school 3 1/2 days, but managed to run away from school 2 of them. The school informed me Friday that is against the law for them to stop any child from leaving the building if they want to. I think this is crazy when it comes to a child with special needs. I’m tired of having to be concerned that my child is safe and the other children around him are safe while he is at school/ not under my supervision.

I took Thomas to the doctor on Friday, and the only thing that kept him from being admitted in the hospital was that it is his fathers visitation weekend…
So, I have to take him back to the doctor tomorrow morning. He may or may not be sent then. One concern is that’s the only 12 days of school left. If he is admitted now, he will miss the end of the school year.  So, The question Being reviewed is: Is he safe enough to finish out the school year before the hospital??

And… I found a leak in the main kitchen and the new house & Had to fully gut the back walls and get up on the roof and clean out the gutters. I also went to Home Depot, and got a walkthrough on how to fix the leak on the roof. Lots of scrubbing & spraying everything down with bleach… 4 1/2 outdoor trash cans worth of debris…

Saturday,  I went to watch Michaels final Choir competition. He won first place!!
Afterward, He went off to the award ceremony at Kings Island ( Like Christopher’s was held last weekend)  & I want to work on the new house some more. The work keeps me from thinking about the fact that I can’t afford to get in the Kings Island for their award ceremonies. It’s really crushing, so anything else I can focus on for a little while is better.

I pulled up about 1/3 of the old warped wood flooring in the formal dining room ( part of where the boutique will be), worked on scraping up sticky goop from unit 2’s kitchen floor ( didn’t get much more accomplished there), & script that kitchen wall area out, with rounds of bleach, then letting it air dry. I’m hoping to get a handyman out today to give me a second opinion of the plan to fix it before I do anymore.

I can’t afford a ladder, so in order to get on the roof I must go around and ask neighbors to borrow a ladder.

Today, theres church, tons of paperwork, and some orders to finish up.  One Of the farmers markets start this next weekend, And not only have I not gotten my application in yet, I’m not really prepared.  So, That all needs to be done ASAP too.  I’m nervous about signing up for the farmers markets, Because I will be at my booth alone And I must be there every time. I need to do them to try to make the money we need, but with Thomas’s health right now Im concerned there’s a chance I would miss or have to leave immediately. Also, Every other Saturday morning: what do I do with the boys? The Saturday one is within walking distance of our current home in the center of the city, but the two youngest cannot walk that far. Also, We do not have a home phone etc.  I have until Saturday to figure everything out. The only family I have around are my children, And there is not even a penny left for Hiring help.

And Of course, I have to have our new house Ready And have us fully moved By July. I still have no answer for the plumbing- most recent quote $3,600. The Electric is at $900 so far… and that’s just going to the breaker box.

Meanwhile I’m anxious for the boys to come home tonight. The doctor took Thomas of all his medications on Friday, so he will need even more supervision than usual. I just want him here so I can make sure he’s OK…

I am also very beyond worn out. My entire body hurts.. even my eyes. It’s taking everything I have to force myself up& keep going… well more than I thought I had.

I have to do this though. I’m not going to let these circumstances stand in the way of keeping my family together.  I’m still holding out on the idea that someday things will be better and easier…..