Thomas had another very rough morning. I was able to protect all involved from injury, but it’s very difficult to have a child who repeatedly tells me he hates me, that he wants me dead, he wants all grown ups dead, that he HATES that kids have to turn into grown ups. And lashing out the way he does during these episodes. *I* am the one who HAS ALWAYS BEEN HERE. *I* have stayed. *I* haven’t passed blame and ran. I’ve accepted it. *I* am the one fighting for these kids day in and day out. Why can’t I solve this?! Why can’t I help him?! My chest is all bruised from his thrashing, biting, pinching fit. It doesn’t hurt nearly as much as my inability to help him over come this. He has “good” times. Times where he is the sweetest, most caring child you could ever imagine. I can’t find anything that’s setting him off- no “trigger” before he hits these phases. He is either one extreme of the other. And, except for the professionals who pop in and out of our lives- an hour a week, or an hour a month each- I’m alone in this. It’s me dealing with this day in, day out, hour after hour, minute after minute. Their dad takes them for visits which total about 10% of the month which helps. And there’s school up to 6hrs/day. His poor teacher. She’s basically holding his hand all day, trying so hard to get him to focus and complete basic tasks. He is on medications… he is 10000000x worse off the medications, so they are definitely helping. He has so many Dxs I don’t even know what they all mean! I hate that he has to go through all this! This is NOT Thomas. He’s in there, wanting so hard to behave and be happy. I can look into his eyes and I can see it… The Thomas, that feels so remorseful after a fit, when he realizes the damage he caused. He reacts, then thinks. There has to be a solution. There’s a great little boy inside there, trapped. There has to be a way to help him out..
More about Thomas: >HERE<