2012 has been rough. Roller Coaster rough. Shoot, the past 3 years as a single mom have been rough. People ask me how I do it- how I put up with everything dumped on me AND raise 4 boys. I have no idea! lol… I just DO it. I get up each day. I open my schedule book. I focus on THAT day’s list. I plan ahead, by loading up my schedule book BUT I only focus on one day at a time.
BUT I admit- it has been harder when I am being drug into court and when more ridiculous demands are placed on my shoulders. I just haven’t understood WHY. Why someone who has everything they wanted, would go so far out of their way to hurt others. I was told by well meaning others “you will never understand why some people are like that. They just are.” But NO. I prayed and begged God for answers. I truly wanted to know WHY. What makes some behave this way?
Yesterday, God finally gave me the understanding I have been begging for- a totally new perspective. I honestly placed a lot of blame on myself-kept searching for what I did/am doing “wrong” (you know, everyone talking about “karma” and such)- when it really has nothing at all do do with me. IT HAS NOTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH ME. (I’m still working on emotionally grasping this. ) 😉
All the “negative” has been thrown at me to cloud my vision from God/God’s plan. Does it instantly fix my situation? No. BUT at least I can go into 2013 with a lighter heart.
I am wiping away the dust clouds, and putting/keeping my focus and trust on Jesus. God promises to meet our every need, and even through all the mountains of stress, and some “too close for comfort” calls, He has still done this. God knows what I need more than I do.
Meanwhile, I am putting together a new schedule, with time to rest, and will keep on keeping on- leaving the stress and worry to God.